Well it has been a while. I fell into a deep deep dark funk that I was not sure I could pull out of. If it weren't for my amazing friends both near and far I would not have made it out alive. I do my very best to stay positive but there is only so much a girl can take. I had a numb leg and little hope because the doc in Kansas (who I was so hopeful for) was scared. Like all the rest. He said let's try injections. I have been down that road so many times I can't even tell you. However, I thought maybe it would help my leg. So, I went in and had them done. 2 days later I started to get feeling in odd spots on my leg. A week later I got my leg back so that's something. I went back to see him and he said what I was looking at was a complete spinal fusion from T5 to S1 he said I would not be able to tie my own shoes. Hmmmm. I went home crying and crushed. Down the tube slide of eternal darkness I went.
I would wait until noon was home to cry or hide in the bathroom. I lost all hope. I just wanted it all to be over. I was and am so tired of this pain that never goes away. I gave in and raised my meds. It helped a little. Took the biting edge off but that is not a road I want to travel down. That stuff is poison and I am killing myself with it. My poor poor liver. As time went on, I was really bad depressed and it took the love of my family and friends to pull me out YET AGAIN. Keep in mind the leg up they gave me got me out of the hole but not out completely. People can only do so much, no matter how much love they pour into you. I was then feeling guilty because my family and friends had lives and problems too. The last thing they needed was me. My friends were having a festival and I realized it was further than I thought and I would not be able to go. The drive would be just too much. I really needed to be with these people. They love me unconditionally and support me without limits.
I am going to say this only because it may help someone else. I am not proud of it or do I condone it but it was a moment of weakness. I pulled out my gun (it was loaded). I looked at it crying as I pulled it from the holster. I held it tight and turned it over in my hand as I sat in the darkness of the bathroom tub. I thought about all my pain and all the pain I was causing others who worried about me. I started to lift it, slowly with shaking hands. My phone went off and scared me to death. It was one of my friends who said they had a plan. A plan so I could go and be taken care of and give my family a break. They got me a driver. In that moment I flashed over the pain I would cause that would never end for my family and my friends. I thought it was the most selfish thing I could ever do (I am so far form selfish its not funny, if I have it, its yours and I would cut off my arm to give it to someone who needed it more) that would leave them with a lifetime of misery and sorrow. I thought of my kids and what lesson I would be teaching them. Just giving up when things got hard. I may not have much to offer these days but if I can hold on in all this YOU CAN TOO! I put the gun away and funny thing, I guess I was in a fog because I can't tell you were I put it to this day. I pulled up my big girl panties and went to see my friends.
It was a wonderful time under the stars with great music and a huge bonfire filled with laughter and singing and games. I had a chair I was not allowed to carry. I had my very own minions to help me. It was nice. Nice to know I would be safe and cared for and my family had a weekend of not helping me. We all needed that more than I have words. While I was there I met new people. One of these was Andrea Sumers. She is an energy worker - healer - hypnotist and most of all a mom. Someone like me in so many ways and yet so different in others. She lives in Fayetteville which is not far from me. We got to talking and she offered to help me. I thought to myself....what have I got to lose. I had seen someone kinda like her a few years ago who said due to the metal in my spine they could not help me. Something to do with the flow of energy. Ok whatever.
Now you may think I am totally nuts here. Energy worker - bah humbug. When you are in as much pain as I am you will do ANYTHING. Someone told me once, eat this dirt it is healing....I did. Another told me drink this tea...I did. I have tried everything under the sun accept acupuncture.That was next. She really helped me in so many ways. We spent a really long time talking and her getting to know me and my issues and how I live vs how I wanted to live. She came up with a plan and we went for it. She took a picture of my spine before. She is a life saver and if you have issues you should check her out.
She used these oils she specially researched for me and used her version of the Raindrop Technique. Raindrop Therapy combines aromatherapy, reflexology, and more all wrapped up in a healing and relaxing massage. She used specific antimicrobial oils applied in a particular sequence which is believed will reduce the body’s inflammations and destroy any viral presence. Andrea explained the original theory behind this is to heal problems of the spine but you could modify and incorporated into other ways to treat various conditions.
The oils are as follows:
- Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)
- Oregano (Origanum compactum)
- Wintergreen (Gaultheria procumbens)
- Cypress (Cupressus sempervirens)
- Peppermint (Mentha piperita)
- Basil (Ocimum basilicum)
- Marjoram (Origanum majorana)
Keep in mind these are also cooking herbs but these are specially cultivated and the concentration is super high. No going down to the store for these kiddies.
This a demo video on youtube you might want to check it out or just look up Raindrop Therapy(there are several to look through):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e0dhb_lM_Q
She started with my feet and WOW. It was amazing. She used her nails and kinda dug into my feet a little. It sounds horrible but it was pure bliss. Then she moved on to my back after spending a lot of time with my feet and differnt oils. Once she started on my back I began to melt into the bed. I could not even think. I was just gone. For someone in constant pain to not hurt even for a moment is just like nothing I can describe. It is peace on the highest level. She used this whispy motion with her hands and different oils (several in a series) then she rubbed little circles along my spine (it's what it felt like) and I was in heaven.
On top of the oils she poured her energy and prayers for healing into my broken back. Little by little the pain began to ease. I felt warmth spreading through the areas she touched but...the really wild part was, I touched her hands and they were cold yet when she touched me they were hot like you would not believe. It really did help and after....I cried. She is so wonderful. I just wished I could see her every couple of days. If you need her contact info it is as follows:
- (901) 351-4487
- Fayetteville, AR
I hope this little tidbit of something else I tried will help you. If you are in the North West Arkansas area contact her. You will not be sorry. I just wished I was closer to her because I would be in there every day.
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